Things I don’t stand…sit for. On the Metro.

Yesterday I walked onto the train and realized every seat had one person sitting on them already. I didn’t want to take the chance of walking to the next car in case the train left right then (which has happened before, metro train operators are cruel). Instead I just  decided to sit next to someone. I usually sit next to women because more often than not, they are not smelly and not creepy. So I sat next to this lady.

Of course right after I sit down, I hear this…

“Not a big deal,” I thought to myself, “it’s just the sniffles.”

Then this happened….

“Okay, so she definitely has a cold,” I thought to myself again, “I just won’t touch anything she touches or breathe too much in her general area.”

(yes I can be a little OCD, but I HATE being sick)

I also didn’t want to hurt her feelings and make her feel disgusted with herself by moving seats, so I continued sitting next to her. I’m about to pick up my newspaper and read when….

That’s right folks. She coughed without covering her mouth, pretty much in  my face.

So I ran. The end.

Best. Fall. Ever.

Actually it wasn’t really a fall, but you’ll see what I mean. I don’t even know why I’m writing about this. I guess looking back on it, it must have looked really funny when it happened and I definitely would have laughed if it had happened to someone else.

So the incident took place at none other than my favorite place in the world, the metro.

It was last winter and it had snowed during the day while I was stuck at work and everything became really icy. So I finally make it to my stop and I trudge out all tired and cranky. I confidently step onto the escalator in my excitement to get home and all of a sudden I feel my right foot slip out from under me…

I grab onto the rail and hold on for dear life. And then I do this weird slow motion Matrix-y move where my left foot stays planted while my right foot slips and ends up staying up really high in the air. I’ve included a hand-drawn picture for your viewing pleasure.

So i must have been in shock from slipping on the escalator because I continued to ride the escalator in that position…

until of course i got to the very end.

what can i say? i’m just a graceful person.

ANGER METRO POST #1209857423498572038475- The Secret Code of Rollerbag Carriers on the Metro Finally Revealed!!

I have so many gripes with the metro, i’m starting to lose count. There’s the ridiculously high fares, the idiot tourists, the oblivious space hogs, the daily breaking of the trains, the rude teenagers (how old do i sound?), the smelly people, the creepy people… i could go on and on, BUT what could possibly make me so angry, that i would post a blog after not writing for years?!

These things:

So I’m pretty sure there is a secret code amongst the rollerbag carriers, since 99.9% of the people that i have encountered carrying them have all done one or more or ALL of the following.  Internetizens, you are SO privileged today, because TODAY i am sharing this secret code with you in hopes that  we will come up with ways to combat it. Here it is in all of its glory:

Rule #1: Make sure to walk impossibly slow WITH your bag fully extended behind you. DOUBLE points if you are so fat that no one can walk around you and your bag and they must take super small steps (like a 2cm gain for each step) behind you or a line forms behind you.

Rule #2: Place your bag on the seat next to you in a crowded train with numerous people standing, including that obviously pregnant women. Because obviously your sack full of crap is more important than anything IN THE WORLD.

Rule #3: If standing near the door of the train, make sure to block the door with your bag or the center aisle or BOTH!

Rule #4: Before walking down the stairs make sure to stop RIGHT BEFORE going down the stairs and take a few minutes to prepare to carry your bag/ put junk in your bag. This also will work right before you get to the ticket gate.

Rule #5: And of course if any of other person dares to trip over your bag/ get their feet run over by your bag, it is CLEARLY their fault. GLARE AT THEM WITH THE GLARE OF DEATH.

…douchebags

Have you ever…

Have you ever fallen asleep and made a weird sound so loud that you wake yourself up?

i have.

twice.

on the metro.

i’m awesome.

Blegh

YOu’d think that since i’ve been out of action for a few months, i would post something really deep

but no

I just wanted to tell everyone that i find these really ugly

and that i don’t understand them so i get really angry when i see them.

that is all

Who Knew my Hero would be 10 years old?

My Hero

Airhead

Lately I’ve been saying some pretty stupid things. Just yesterday i was talking to my sister and i remember saying that Christmas is always the third Thursday of December to which she immediately looked at me weirdly and replied, “Christmas is on the 25th of December.” Then, I told her to be quiet.

Anyway, I’ve had several of these airhead moments in the span of two weeks and this greatly saddens me because I feel like I have lost my brain.

So brain, this entry is just for you. Come back. I need you and I miss you. Thanks.

Abuse of the Horn

This evening while I was driving back home from work, a random leaf hit my car and I almost honked my horn at it.

I am cursed

Something you may not know about me: I have a really good sense of smell. Like REALLY good. Like I can smell if someone had curry for dinner last night good. My mom says I have a “geh kkoh” or a dog nose if translated.

It’s not so bad sometimes. Like when I’m in a bakery. Or if someone is making cookies. Or if my mom is cooking dinner. Basically whenever there is good food involved. But most of the time, it really does feel like a curse.

There have been numerous times where I’ve suffered greatly, HOWEVER, what kind of college graduate would I be if I didn’t come up with any techniques to help me get through these malodorous incidents.

Technique #1:

Break out the scented chapstick and use about half of the stick on my lips.

Technique #2:

Go to bathroom and wash hands with scented soap. If I am not near a bathroom, I take out my hand sanitizer or hand lotion. Then I sit like this:

.

Thusly, I can only smell my hands AND I look smart and pensive. WIN WIN.

Technique #3:

The greatest technique that took me about 2 years to think of.

MOVE.

that’s right. Move and get over it because honestly, the other person is not going to do anything about their odors, there is no way I can hang an air freshener on my nose no matter how badly I may want it, and I’m definitely not going to say anything about it to them because that is a potentially dangerous and awkward situation waiting to happen.

So that ends my official second post. Not a very thought provoking one, but I hope I helped someone out there who also has a dog nose.

p.s. I hope people don’t start avoiding me because they think that I think they smell. I will still be your friend even if you smell like wet dog (ahemjonathanlee).

Oh Dear

I’ll admit it. I joined this blog without actually thinking it through and now that I’ve signed up, flashbacks of my doomed xanga keep coming up. I blame it on the enormous pressures of putting up so eloquently the frivolous details of my life every week that kept me away from blogging for so long. However, aside from that, I’m hoping that this time, this blog will be different. I’m going through new stages in my life (WORK), meeting (usually awkwardly) new people, (hopefully) maturing, and learning A LOT (usually the hard way) from God. I strongly believe all of this will give me plenty of material to prolong my blogging career for awhile…. and by awhile I mean maybe a month or two.